I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
