I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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