WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
