Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize