I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize