just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
