my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will be naked everywhere
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
