my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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