Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize