Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need a burrito and a hug.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
