Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
