I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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