If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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