He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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