At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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