You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
