For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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