my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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