I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
