the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
