Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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