I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
