ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
