Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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