peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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