chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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