Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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