32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
