so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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