i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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