That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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