Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
