Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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