just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
