she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
