Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm really into asian looking animals
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
