She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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