you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
