rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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