So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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