Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
