Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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