It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
