I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
