Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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