I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
