You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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