do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
