I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
