Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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