it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
birth control should be required to get into college
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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