I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm going to jail i love you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
