Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
