To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
