You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
