The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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