Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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