I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
