why didn't you poke me back
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
