You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
