She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
