He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
