Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
