There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
