Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
