we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
