it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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