if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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