You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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