i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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