I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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