Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I had your ass I would rule the world
is it fun? or sober?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
