Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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