her vagine was all disorganized.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The Olympian is in my bed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
