I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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