I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
